Carousel
by Hetaliancupcake
Summary: Lukas wanders the abandoned carnival and can only watch as Mathias lives. He remembers things that led to his death and spends his days wondering if in another life, perhaps the relationship could've been something more than Lukas as a un-noticed guardian angel. Maybe it was possible? Maybe he should just be content with his fated existence? Maybe it was better this way. (Human au)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I curiously watched the small boy who caught my eye ride atop a unicorn on the carousel. His wild blonde hair flying as if defying gravity, his lively azure eyes staring anywhere but me. It was understandable considering my circumstances. I worked up the courage to take a closer look at the soul that held my attention. The boy's eyes gleamed like the eyes of the woman whose curse had made me into a phantom to begin with. I made my way onto the carousel and stood mindlessly right behind his unicorn, as it spinned round and round. He smiled at the other children but they paid him no mind, laughing in their small group and carrying on. It was then, in that moment, when I saw the small danish boy's eyes fill with hurt, that I would follow him to the ends of the earth. I wanted to see him again, and heal the loneliness I found in his eyes. The loneliness I had never noticed while I was alive.

...

I stood off the abandoned amusement park's bench and immediately my eyes fixated on the upset Danish boy. His blue eyes were puffy, and he wiped at them with his sleeves. Although I wasn't happy about the reasons he usually came here, I was glad I got to see him. After all, when I hadn't been a walking spector, we had been childhood friends. I had been his only friend. He may not of known my name, but that's how I remembered it anyways.

The first time he came here to cry was a year after my dissapearance. Not really relevant since he wasn't mourning me, but still. He screamed and shouted at the nearby forest before settling himself on the base of the carousel. He sobbed vehemently, murmuring about how he hadn't deserved what they did. It made me mad, seeing someone so nice get targeted by a group of tormentors. They bullied him relentlessly now that I wasn't there to protect him. Yes, I had protected him without him noticing, and never got any recognition, but I didn't care about that. I took solace in knowing he was alright, but now he wasn't. After watching him sob there for a while. I followed him out and made sure that he got home alright. Like I thought, many of the boys from his middle school ambushed him. I admired the way Mathias could stay strong in the face of imminent danger; those who wished to opress him.

I decided that three against one wasn't a fair fight. I pushed hard against one of the boys, the leader actually, forcing myself into his body to take control over him. I turned to the others and began beating them up.

"Dagny? Dagny, ouch- what the fuck!?" One boy cried as I pushed him to the ground and punched him in the face. Another of Dagny's crew threw themselves atop me, but I easily shoved him off.

"Frans!" The other called out, assumedly to the one I was tussling with, with great concern. I peeled off of him and rolled to the side, out of the way of a punch from this boy. "Dagny, stop it! What are you doing?!" I grabbed his incoming fist in my hand, and pulled his arm behind him.

"Aghk..." the boy yelped. I felt no remorse for beating them up. They had went along so willingly to hurt Mathias. They deserved what he was too nice to dish out. I dropkicked another, slaying him against the ground.

"Now. Get the hell out of here. Leave Mathias alone, and don't ever and I mean ever, try to harm him again. I'll see you at school tomorrow." I made the boy I possessed say. I know they want to be his friends still so I let them leave, and hopefully this Dagny will learn something from this experience as well. I turned back to find Mathias holding an incredulous look.

"Why did you-?" Mathias began. I silenced him with a "shh," and left the boy's body, rendering him unconcious immediately. Mathias walked home from that event with a confused expression at first, but since he didn't come back to the carnival for a while after that, I assumed he was better off. I was again alone for quite some time with the damn carnival. I was so comfortable here, only occasionally left to check on Mathias and my brother. My poor brother... he probably wanted to kill my parents. Well, if they were still alive he might threaten it. I close my eyes and the scene of the disheveled carnival dissapearance filling with memories.

...

"Lukas!" I heard my mother call from behind me. The carnival was closed at night, and the dark sky foreshadowed my doom. As young as I was I had no idea what was coming. I turned from the woman with gleaming brown eyes, and long dark hair as black as onyx. The woman seemed unhappy with my mother's disturbance, and panic was evident in my mother's voice. I found my mother, bleeding profusely from many wounds I wanted to cry out for her, but my body would not allow it. Instead I had the urge to turn back around and follow the stranger woman's cooing, as she pleaded with me gently.

"Come along now, lukas. Your mother is not fit to take care of you anymore. She does not treasure what power you hold inside of you. I want to take you away from this place, and all I need is for you to come close dear." The woman cooed.

"Don't you dare touch him, Delphina!" My mother's voice shouted in disgust, scratchy and breathy. I was stuck in the middle, my feet inching me closer to this Delphina. Her face scrunched into an ugly expression, distorting her previous persona.

"Don't move an inch, Ellinor. I won't hesitate to take him with me, leaving behind a bloodbath." Delphina said her once melodious voice now cold, and detached. my mom and the woman lifted their hands, a bright light encircling Delphina's palms, and my mom's more in fear. though it happened fairly quickly, I managed to run at Delphina and pulled at her arm, pulling it downwards. This was honestly the worst mistake of my life. Mostly because it was the decision that ended my life. The cheery carnival faded from my vision leaving nothing but darkness in its wake. My mom's screeches filling my ears, and a loud thud slowly following, being the last sound of that somber night.

I imagined if a ghost could really cry, that my face would be moist with fresh tears after every memory.

A/n: Hey guys! I know I just did a DenNor one, but honestly I couldn't think of anyone else for this. Now that I'm sitting here I probably could've made it something else, but I like it so I'm going with it. (I know that this one might seem a little bit similar to the other one I'm currently writing if you're reading that one, but trust me they are different.) I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter, and trust me this one will be a bit sad, but it was a concept I hoped would be interesting enough to stick with. So I can't wait to see what you guys think. As always, thanks for reading! And I love reviews so don't be shy, I won't take any critiscm badly! As long as it's constructive. Thank you! ~Hetaliancupcake :3 (btw, I'm sorry I suck at summaries lol.)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It had been a year after my little bully intervention before Mathias showed up again. This time he was not alone.

I heard his giggles as he approached the abandoned carnival that had become my resting grounds. I inched closer to the gate, curious as to why Mathias sounded happy for once, and just curious how he looked a year later. My smile faded to a pesky frown as I noticed the tall, blonde boy with him. He held his hands affectionately and pulled him inside, pulling past me. Mathias in exuberance explained the best spot in the carnival, a place I spent a lot of time myself to ponder. They climbed the abandoned ferris wheel together, which was quite dangerous, but they did it now the less. They chuckled the whole way up, their laughter coinciding with the uneasy creaks of the wheel beneath them. Although I felt a tugging in my mind telling me I shouldn't watch them, I continued, my fragile heart teetering on the edge. They sat in a seat close to the top, and held hands looking at the night sky. I watched the romantic exchange, my jealousy gaining momentum by the second. When their eyes meet, I can see the chemistry that I long for between them. They share a kiss. Mathias' first.

Perhaps it was creepy to watch him enough to know that, but I couldn't help it. If my life hadn't ended, maybe I would've... maybe we could've... I was so pathetic. I wouldn't ruin this moment for him, steal it away for my own. It wouldn't make me feel any better. I just had to make sure this guy didn't hurt him. I didn't like the look of him already.

...

I watched the four of them chat. Mathias and Berwald holding hands. I couldn't believe that the people I could've befriended were all moving along without me. Like they never knew I existed.

"Hey, Tino? Can I have your food if you're not going to eat the rest of it?" Emil, my little brother, asked the boy beside him. Tino nodded to him, but probably didn't even hear what he said, he was paying close attention to every crease on Berwald's face. Poor Tino, if I was alive, maybe things would be different for him. I spent days wondering about such things sometimes.

"Maybe we should come up with cute nicknames for each other, Ber? Don'tcha think?" Mathias asked, completely oblivious to Berwald's eyes, and the obvious cheating with them he might as well have been partaking in. Mathias continued to chat and doodle in his sketchbook, as Berwald's eyes flickered to Tino, as if he just noticed the small Finnish boy who he had been friends with. He blushed and looked down at his plate, now in Emil's possession as he shoved mashed potatoes in his mouth.

"Emil, I wanted that!" Tino murmured. my brother looked up, a spoon hanging out of his mouth, his eyebrows curve in confusion.

"But, you just said you didn't want it..." My brother replied swiftly, sounding quite befuddled. Tino's cheeks flushed even more, blatantly mortified. Berwald let out a small chuckle, causing Tino's eyes to shoot up at him, finding a rare smile, before Tino suppressed a squeak and excused himself. Emil sighed and stood excusing himself as well. Mathias had finally noticed something had occured and glanced up.

"What just happened?" He asked. As Mathias' words hit Berwald his smile faded.

I could not bear to watch Berwald's behavior any longer, and yet I was oddly compelled to. I followed Berwald around for the next few days that week. I could not have imagined the tragedy that befell the circle after the events of that week.

...

"You guys seperated? Mathias and you?" Tino questioned. He asked and continued looking down at the packet of homework on the coffee table in front of him. I watched the hope return to Tino's eyes at a new chance for Berwald's heart. The saddest part was those feelings had been revived with lies. Ber sat beside Tino and buried his face in his hands. Through fake shaky breaths, he spewed lies about Mathias. He had cheated on him, although the only cheater i saw was right here. I watched in horror, unable to understand why he was trying to get with Tino. If he really loved Tino, wouldn't he just break it off with Mathias and tell him he didn't feel for him that way anymore? That could only mean that my initial suspicions were correct, and he really wasn't in it for love, and the special bond I longed for.

"How could you just throw it away!? How could you asshole! Tell me, please! Not that anyone can fucking see me, damn it! Shit.." I screamed at them, watching them ignore me. They couldn't h ear me, but I was screaming at this point for myself. Tino reached over and hesitantly placed a hand on Berwald's knee. They met each other's eyes.

"It's okay, Ber. You'll find someone else who loves you, truly, and won't ever do that to you." Berwald smiled and wiped at his eyes.

"Maybe, I already have..." Tino's eyes widened and he pulled away, flustered.

"Don't fall for it Tino! Please... This will only ruin everything!" I screamed.

"I'm sure it's only the loneliness talking, Ber. You don't know what you're saying-"

"No, Tino, I do. I never noticed until lately, but you are always there for me. Not to mention, I've realized... I think I like you." Tino's face flushed.

"H-how would you know that Ber? You've been with Mathias for months." Tino said beginning to stand up until Ber reached for his hand.

"He started two weeks ago. I just didn't break it off until recently. I've noticed you though, finally. I noticed how kind and amazing you are. I need someone like that. I... I don't want to ruin our friendship or anything, and I'd understand if you don't like me back but... I had to tell you." Tino turned on him and sighed.

"Maybe I do Ber... but it's still not right. You should give yourself some space and maybe even try to talk to him. Maybe you misunderstood, o-or..." Tino silenced himself as he watched Berwald shrink in on himself.

I watched. All I ever could do was watch. Powerless to stop anything from happening. I knew Tino would cave. He was desperate and naive. I felt the anger that coated my useless words chip away. All that was left was a quiet breeze as I left, heading back to my "home".

I passed many young couples. Teens on their way somewhere important. People walking their pets. It made me realize just how big the world was, but that for each person in it... it was only as big as we allowed, and everything was as happy or depressing as we allowed it to be. These people seemed happy and fine. But no one would bother to ask, and neither would I even if I was alive. Upon reaching the amusement park I walked over the faded path, and headed straight for the carousel. I sat down on it's base and let out a sigh. Then, I felt a cold shudder down my spine. She never left me any time to think.

"Now will you let me make a deal with you?" I glanced up at the evil witch, her grin a painful memory, like a reminder of his failure. Her "deal" seemed more and more appealing everyday. But I could not accept the deal that sealed my doom, can I? I turned my back to her and gave a low growl. She could not ever get the best of me, and today, for sure would not be the day I give in.

A/n: Sorry this took so long to get out. I had such bad blockage. And the words wouldn't flow onto correctly. I hope this is isn't too bad of a chapter. Also, i have nothing against Berwald, haha. Nothing I write necessarily reflects how I feel. :3 Thanks for reading and feel free to let me know anything in a pm or review if you want. See you later! :3 ~Hetaliancupcake


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Oh, don't be like that, Lukas! I can give you back what you want! Life... and so much more with it. What reason could you possibly have to say no?" Her sultry voice invaded my ears. I stood and and faced her, trying to give as harsh a look as possible.

"Let's see... you killed me. Plus my mother! Before that, you tried to kidnap me, and all because mom made a deal with you! Why would I possibly give into your deal when I've seen the fallout! You're a crazy bitch. Get the hell out!" Delphine just gave me a smirk and turned to leave. The anger dissipated as soon as it came replaced with the pathetic sadness I felt constantly.

"One day, you will see fit to accept my deal. It's as sweet as the pot is going to get. Don't keep me waiting to long." She dissapeared, leaving behind a cackle to assault my ears. I collapsed on the ground again and closed my eyes.

...

"It's so awkward... let's sit at a different table, like one in the courtyard. I need your help with this homework anyway, and it's quieter out there. You find a table and I'll go get you a lunch." Berwald stated, shuffling off his backpack and handing it to Tino.

"True. No one ever eats out there. If you see Emil you should make sure he doesn't come sit with us. Mathias should have someone with him..." Berwald had a genuine smile for the first time in forever. As much as I wanted to punch it off, It was endearing. He truly liked Tino. But I couldn't see why he insisted upon lying. This could only end one way. And of course it would. Ber made his way to the groups normal table and poked Emil.

"Hey, Tino is going to help me study in the courtyard. Tell Mathias not to interrupt for me, okay? I'm having a really hard time focusing in algebra." Emil gave a small "mhm" and Berwald took off to the line grabbing a tray and getting Tino a plate of food. Once out in the courtyard he laid the tray down and I watched him sit beside him, reaching for his hand. They held hands through the entire session. Berwald even left him with a kiss on the cheek when the bell rang.

The days passed on like this and eventually I stopped watching. I just focused on Mathias occasionally and watched the people who trespassed on the amusement park property, having a hard time avoiding other ghosts who wander the grounds. They could be a real pain.

...

"What an asshole! They're both so, Ughhh!" I heard his voice, loud and wistful as I sat up. My silent thinking had been disturbed, but I had no reason to be upset at him. He sniffled and fell against the broken down carousel base. His cries were hysterical. It would be unusual for me to go up to him now that I know nothing works. The only thing that might allow me to speak with him... I don't want. He stopped muttering to himself eventually, and I felt it'd be too rude to listen in on his drama for once. Sadness was always an unpleasant feeling.

A ghost woman, whom I've heard from other ghost's gossip sessions was murdered down by the pier nearby, made her way past me and sat beside Mathias on the carousel base. Matthias let out a small yelp and seemed to scoot away from her. My immediate thought was mirrored by her question.

"Oh sorry, can you see me? I didn't mean to bother your privacy." The woman asked, who I remember being called Sheena. Matthias just wiped his eyes and released a shaky breath. I stood from the opposite side of the base and moved closer to listen in. I was beginning to grow more concerned. Maybe he had seen me, or heard me?

"No, I can just go. S-seems I can't go anywhere to be alone without seeing spirits. This "gift" should be returnable." Matthias replied, readying himself to stand and go, anger evident in his tone.

Sheena just returned his anger with a smile. She motioned for him to sit back down and he reluctantly complied. She kneeled before him and cupped his cheeks in her hands, not that she could physically hold them. He shuddered at her touch and more tears ran down his face. "Dear, the gift to glimpse a small piece of the afterlife is incredible. I apologize that you feel you can't even weep in peace, but perhaps it's not as bad as you think. As someone who has passed, I can say I understand tragedy and sorrow more than ever before. Most of us do." Matthias considered her words and took a moment to pull himself together, wiping at his eyes. I stayed out of sight, tempted to leave afraid of future confrontations if he saw me follow him, but my feet are glued tight on the ground. I'm frozen.

"I'm not sure I want to tell you about my troubles. If what you say is true, I'd rather not have plaguing you with my emotions on my guilty concious. I really just need to be... be alone." He replied.

Sheena just kept smiling. "I never got the chance to fully be a mother. But I still can watch over her. And I still feel the connection. I try to keep her happy and make her understand I'm here in my own way, and I have made some progress. But I will still never fully be her mother again. Spirits don't realize most of the time that they can't stay with the people they're attached too. But that doesn't mean we can't have an affect on the lives of those still living. Especially a positive one. Won't you let me be a mother and offer an ear? Or maybe you need a good friend." Sheena stood and her intent reached my ears on a delay. Next thing I knew she had dragged me over and I was making a fool of myself.

"Sheena!?" I called, trying to free myself from her grasp, and avoiding eye contact with Matthias. Eventually, our eyes met and his eyes widened.

"You! I've seen you around a lot. Are you following me? Who are you?" He asked so many questions it felt like I was being interrogated. I took a deep breath and forced myself to sit down beside him, and slowly but surely I did.

"I-I'm Lukas. It's hard to put to words. Im not sure if you can see me for my actual age but... I'm actually supposed to be about your age. We even went to the same elementary school before I... yeah. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I was unaware you could see me, and I umm, I wanted to hang around my brother and his friends. He's the only connection I have left."

"Oh. Who is you brother, and if you don't mind me asking, how did you... ya know?" Matthias asked. I turned away. I had managed not to sound like a stalker, but my death was always hard to explain. "I really don't mean to be insensitive."

I mustered a smile and told Sheena she could leave. "It's fine. Emil. He is my little brother. I don't think he fully understands what happened to me. I was killed by a sorceress. She didn't even mean to kill me, but I got in the way. I just didn't want her to hurt my mom. Not that it saved her." I stuttered a little, unsure if I was helping at all by giving him so many details?

"Seriously? You're being serious? Witches exist?!" I rolled my eyes, and turned away.

"Sorceresses. And yes I'm serious, ghosts exist don't they?" After I said that he was quiet. I couldn't help but feel some anger flare up in the silence of the moment, seeing how troubled the drama had made him. "It was Berwald wasn't it?" I blurted. As soon as I said it, I wished I could've taken it back. He sat up a little straighter and leaned away, his eyes wide.

"How did you... well, yeah. I just don't know what to believe. I guess you should never date your friends, huh?" I notice his lip begin to quiver as he turned away from me. I couldn't stop trying to make things better and I basically told him everything.

"He cheated right? Tino is innocent, maybe not completely, but he was desperate and Berwald took advantage of him." I just wanted him to know the truth so much that I seeped information.

"H-How do you know all this?"

"As much as I loved this park as a kid, I honestly got bored and went to check on Emil. I noticed a weird connection between the two and followed Berwald around. I visit you guys occasionally, it's only natural considering how much you're here." Even with that being a pretty accurate explanation, it still sounded creepy to me.

"I do. It's oddly comforting here. Man, I fucked up royally. I wouldn't even listen to Tino, and I called him horrible things, I was so hurt. I bet he's feeling horrible to, especially I'd he thought Berwald loved him back. Shit! Thanks for telling me, I gotta make things right as soon as possible." I gave him a small nod and stood.

"Keep yourself happy now, I'm sure you'll find someone who cares about you for you. I'll be here if you need to talk. And watch after my brother will you? He's all I have left."

"Thanks, lukas." Matthias said, wiping his eyes and standing to leave. He gave a swift nod and left, a wave I'll keep imprinted in my mind forever. I heard movemend behind me and turned to find Sheena still standing there. I arched my eyebrows and crossed my arms.

"Sheena? Why did you do that?" I asked. She placed a hand to my cheek and gave a small sigh.

"Because, you should consider that deal. A way to be flesh and blood again is worth it. Out of anyone, you have a chance to live your life again. Think about it." Was it worth being alive if I wasnt free to live it? And with that I was left to silence. A sound I'd say was anything but golden.

A/n: Hey, cupcakes! So I just wanted to say a quick apology. I feel like I haven't exactly been putting my best effort into my writing lately. I can tell. So I promise that I'm going to try to write better chapters now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you liked this newest chapter. I always appreciate reviews to know how you feel about the fic or correct me on anything, and make sure to follow if you enjoyed to be alerted about this story and all my other fics. Make sure to check out my profile for other fics I've written and to put in any input on future fics, or just to learn more about me. I hope to see you all as permanent readers of my fics. I'll see you in the next thing I write! :3 ~Hetaliancupcake


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Lukas!" Matthias's desperate call reached my ears. I hadn't seen him since we last talked, instead deciding to waste time here. I felt he needed to be alone at a time like this. I was completely in the dark about anything that could have happened. I took off running and we met at the carousel. Tears lined his cheeks, leaving uneven watery trails like footprints in mud. "Lukas, He's gone! He wasn't at his house, I checked t-twice even, and-" He stuttered nervously, before I interrupted. I stepped a little closer, a feeling in my stomach like someone had shaken me. I was nauseous with fear.

"Who is gone?" I asked, my voice small and quiet. If it was Emil, I don't know what I'd do...

"Tino. I was eaten up with guilt after we spoke, so I went over to his house. His parents answered, said h-he had went out, hadn't come home all day. They assumed he had went out with one of us. I came by again, but... but he hadn't come home still. He must've run away or..."

I knew what he meant by or. His eyebrows curved at the corners, and his eyes twitched. His face expressed more pain than I felt all these years all at once. It should've been a crime to see anyone so beautiful so full of... sorrow. "He can't be dead. He might've r-run away but where could he have gone to? You guys were his only friends right? He is probably going to show back up soon, Mathias. " I said this to relieve some of his distress but it only seemed to add to the piling mountain on his shoulders.

"I can't just wait here and hope he does, Lukas! What if he never plans to come back, even if he-" Mathias choked up in the middle of his outraged screams. He fell to his knees burying his face in his hands. I let him cry, silence the best choice, albeit the emptiest. He wiped his face with the end of his sleeves, standing with balled fists that loosened as he faced me. "Lukas, it's not fucking okay. I've hurt him so bad he left his home, his family, and his so called-friends. He's all alone out there, and Tino has never been one for standing up for himself." Mathias at this point attempted to hit the carousel seat, soon after reeling backwards rubbing his pained hand. "I just ruin everything. It's all my damn fault. I wonder why anyone bothers with me." I closed my hands into fists without even realizing, something surging into my chest making it harder to speak. I can feel my face harden, and his face seems a little scared.

"Shut up! Stop talking about yourself like that! You make so many people's life better. Hell, you make my existence bearable and that is the greatest gift I could ever ask for! You're worth the bother of getting to know because you are amazing, and I can't stand hearing you talk about yourself this way!" I shouted, attempting to throw my arms around him. My body went straight through him, and he shuddered. "Sorry..." I muttered retreating.

"No, you're right. Thanks for trying. You're the first person to get so angry at me for putting myself down. I guess i must be doing something right if I made such a nice ghost friend. Thanks Lukas." We sat down on the cold seat of the carousel. After brainstorming what to do in this sort of situation Mathias placed a call. " I sent a text to Emil, since he didn't pick up. He cared for Tino the most, so maybe he knows where he is or where he'd go. Maybe, he'd help look for him."

"That's not a bad decision, but there is still potential problems... If he knows where he is, who is to say he'll tell you. My brother has always been stubborn." I suggested, only after doing so did I realize that I shouldn't have considering how little hope he had already. I just didn't want him to be too disappointed if it didn't work out.

"It's all I got, Lukas." His voice was shaky, and I wanted to say something reassuring, but I couldn't find the words. "hey, Lukas... Do you-" Matthias was ready to ask me something before a familiar scream broke through the air.

"Matthias?!" We looked forward toward the broken down entrance, finding an out of breath and puffy eyed Emil standing at the gate. He spotted Matthias and marched over to us fast. "I thought I'd find you here, what the hell are these texts about? What do you mean, Tino is "gone?"" Matthias shrunk under my brother's harsh voice.

"I felt guilty-" Matthias began, interrupted by my brother before he could say more.

"As you fucking should!" Emil lectured. Matthias let out a sigh, tears coating his face again. He looked at Emil, his eyes woeful and exhausted. Emil took a step back and crossed his arms. I saw so much of mom in him in that moment an it kind of hurt.

"Y-yeah. I should be Emil. Berwald says he didn't want to hurt me. Maybe, in some way he thought he wouldn't, but he did. I've realized... Tino didn't deserve the way I treated him. But he got most of my anger. Tino was in love with him and Berwald took advantage of that in a horrible way." Emil's face scrunched up and he turned his head away for a second before turning forward again.

"How did you know that? He didn't tell anyone that but me." Mathias' eyes widened and then he turned to me, then back to Emil.

"You wouldn't believe me." Mathias answered.

"Try me." Emil challenged.

Mathias and Emil exchanged hard expressions, before Mathias answered. "I told you before that I can see ghosts? Well, one wanders here. They have an attachment to us a little bit. They told me what happened." Emil gave him a skeptical look, and Mathias looked to me again, giving this apologetic look like, 'I'm sorry I made you sound creepy...'

"I thought you hated being able to see ghosts, since when do you talk to them? You know what, whatever, are they here right now? Do they have any idea where Tino is?" Mathias gave a nervous chuckle.

"No, he only tends to watch us when he gets bored wandering around here." Emil sighed.

"Are you okay with a ghost watching you like a TV show?" Emil questioned. Matthias made a sort of determined expression.

"I trust him. He was the only one who listened to my side of the situation, and told me what I did was wrong without judging me." If i had a physical heart, i'm sure it would have felt a twinge go through it. I felt the corners of my mouth curve slightly and turned away from the two.

"Okay, well tell him not to watch me in the restroom. I will find him and kill him... again." Emil threatened semi-playfully. Even if I did it wouldn't be that weird, not that I would, I had no plausible reason to.

"Why do people always assume ghosts do that?" I muttered, disgusted.

"He promises." Mathias responded. there was a pregnant pause in the conversation for a while.

"I don't know where Tino is for sure; However, there is a place in the woods, behind my old house, where Tino and I used to hang out when we were young. We should check there first. If we have to, we'll call Berwald and ask him." Mathias scrunched his nose at Emil's suggestion, but nodded his head nonetheless.

"Okay, we need to find him, no matter what. I need the chance to apologize and tell Tino what he means to me. I wish Berwald would have just told me he didn't love me anymore." Emil turned and started towards the gate, his hands balled up in fists.

"Don't we all! He started this damn mess, hurting both of you like this. Let's get going, before it gets dark." Emil replied.

Although I knew where we'd be going, I hadn't mentally prepared myself correctly. It was pretty silent on the way there. As we started through the familiar neighborhood, I began feeling all nostalgic. a small blue house stared me in the face. I hadn't even realized I had stopped to look at it. There was still a for sale sign in the yard after all these years. The white shingles that used to be white as milk had faded to a dusty grey, a sign that dad had truly given up. The light reflected off the spider webs lacing every porch corner. A layer of dust could be easily seen from the sidewalk where I stood. I couldn't read our family name on the stupid vintage door knocker mom loved so much anymore. There was no trace of human life to be seen, and no sign this place had once been a home.

"Lukas, it's this way, you get lost? ... Oh." Mathias found me staring at the house, and twiddled his fingers awkwardly. I turned to face him and found a surprised look upon his face.

"What?" I asked curtly, my voice hoarse.

"You- you're crying." I couldn't feel it, but ethereal tears lined my face. I sighed and walked past him towards the driveway.

"Sorry." I murmured.

"It's okay." He said, appearing beside me. an awkward moment of silence followed. "When are you going to tell him?"

"Whenever I want." I replied, fast.

"He'd believe it's you." Mathias said.

"Maybe that's not what I'm worried about!" Mathias quieted. Maybe that was too harsh. "it's just, he doesn't know how I died. Plus, I don't want to corrupt our mother's image to him. He wouldn't understand. Maybe later, after this." Mathias nodded and motioned for me to follow him. we walked to the middle of the forest, entering a clearing where a small, old, treehouse stood. Emil stood at it's base, his brows furrowed, and his foot tapping with an impatient rhythm.

"Sorry, I found him." Mathias apologized. Emil scrunched up his face.

"Why the hell did he come with anyway. Is he attached to Tino?" Mathias glanced to me. Emil had always been the curious type and always had to question everything. "You know what, I don't care. Let's just go." Emil muttered, climbing the ladder as quickly and quietly as possible. I watched Emil squat inside and scramble around the medium sized treehouse. All he appeared to find was old candy bar wrappings and various other snack and candy packages. A moment later he descended the ladder and crossed his arms. "He's not there. Of course, would have been too easy." Emil shook his head.

"Call Berwald. He may know where he is. Put it on speaker." Mathias suggested.

"Yeah, I'll do it." Emil pulled out his phone and dialed his number. I shifted awkwardly, not used to being so involved in their lives. The phone rang a couple of times before the voice of Berwald came through.

"Hello." Berwald greeted.

"Berwald, it's Emil. Listen, Tino is missing, and-"

"Missing?!" Berwald exclaimed. If one thing could be said, he genuinely cared for Tino's well-being. You could hear it in his voice when he spoke, it was heavy with concern.

"Shut up! Yeah, he is and we need to know if you have any idea where he might go." Emil asked.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, a while ago he said he'd love to see his grandma in Helsinki again, but that's ten hours away driving-wise. Tino can't drive yet, how would he-" Emil cut off Berwald with a squeak.

"The Expressway! We need to get there, now. He is probably planning on getting to the bus station near there. I can get my grandparents to drive us. He's on foot, so maybe he hasn't been there long. He might even think to hop on a bus near there. Let's check there first!" Berwald remained awfully silent on the other side of the line.

"Thanks Berwald." Mathias said.

"I'm sorry. Don't thank me, I don't deserve it." Berwald said, in probably the saddest voice I had ever heard. Emil hung up the phone and with a determined shout, pled for us to follow him. We ran for a good long while. I forget I'm dead at times like these, able to outrun the living and having to wait for them to catch their breath. We ended up frantically shuffled into the car by Emil and taking off without our grandparent's permission. Emil justified it with time constraints, but it didn't worry me any less. The Bus Station came into view, and Tino was no where in sight.

"Damn it! We missed the bus didn't we?" Emil exclaimed.

"Is that it?" Mathias asks, pointing down the street some way at a bus.I found the bus time sheet, confirming the thought we all had. We had missed our last chance. Tino was gone; and he was never coming back.

A/n: Hey, cupcakes! Sorry this took so long, but I think the quality turned out better in the writing. I hope you guys are satisfied with it this time around as well. It's been rough at school lately, so many tests and such, but I have some good time to write things physically down. I oddly focus more like that, XD. I hope to get a spellbound soul chapter out soon and I have some other fic ideas coming out soon. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter, and if you are new to my Fics, I hope to see you become a regular reader! make sure to favorite if you liked it that much, and follow me for other Fics and updates for this as well. If you have any questions feel free to pm me or leave a review to point out something, comment on something, leave constructive criticism or let me know if you just simply liked it or not. Thanks for reading, i appreciate it so much. See you in the next chapter of whatever I write! ~Hetaliancupcake


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They were inconsolable. But they had the right to be.

"I'd give anything for him to come back." Emil sniffled. That wasn't the first time I had heard him say those exact words. I couldn't stand it years ago. I wouldn't stand it now.

"Matthias. I'll be back. I'm going to fix this for you. Don't worry."

"How? Wait, wait!" He yelled to me as I ran. I ran as fast as I could to my resting ground. Everyone's voices rang in my head.

"I want my brother back! Why does everyone leave me!" My brother's.

"I'd give anything to be human again." Sheena's.

"I'll give you back what you want. Life, and so much more with it." Delphine's.

"Take the deal." My own.

"You can do anything, Lukas." Mom's.

I was out of breath but I could do anything. And I had a plan.

"Delphine! Come out!" I screamed. A swish of air blew past my cheek and I turned to find her behind me.

"Well this is a surprise. Ready to accept my deal?" Her smirk had terrorized me for a long time, but not today. I wouldn't give into the fear she wanted to instill inside me.

"I'll allow you to bring me back and make me your puppet, But I have some conditions." I said confidently. She approached and sneered, placing her hand under my chin and raising it so my eyes met hers.

"And what makes you think I'll accept your terms?" I laughed.

"Because. You want me for my magical aptitude. So if you want me to help you, you'll agree." Delphine raised an eyebrow, and flicked her wrist in allowance. "Good. Here they are. I want to be alive again, and I want my full magical aptitude back. I'm sure you need me to have my powers so I can match your purposes. Secondly, I want you to make Tino come back and make him give Matthias a chance to apologize, then let him move freely, understand? Thirdly, I want you to let me see my mom. I know you've captured her spirit, that's why she doesn't wander like I do. I want all of this done now." Delphine moved her head from side to side in consideration, then gave an malicious smirk.

"Fine, I accept your oh-so many terms. But in exchange you _will_ be my puppet, you understand? I can do whatever I wish with you." I gave an uncertain nod. But she didn't care how uncertain it looked, it was a nod. She placed her hand out in front of her. "Shake on it."

I placed my hand in front of me and with it shaking moved it slowly towards hers. I heard scrambling feet behind me and paused.

"Lukas! What the hell are you doing?!" Matthias screamed. I didn't turn around, instead I looked deeper into Delphine's eyes.

"You have to swear on my conditions. Blood." I asked. She smiled.

"I swear." She answered raising her hands above her head, and sighing. "I swear by my own blood."

"Lukas? Did you just say, Lukas?" Emil asked Matthias. "Wait. The ghost's name is..." Emil was putting it together, i didn't have much time left. I placed my hand in hers and was immediately consumed by a bright white light. When it cleared, Tino was beside me and the others could see me. I was alive.

Mom's spirit stood beside Delphine with a shocked expression.

"I'll give you a few minutes. But I'll be watching." Delphine said, before turned and left. As she walked she disappeared.

"Mom!" I screamed. Her eyes widened, and she floated towards me. I tried to run towards her, but my legs gave out. I wasn't used to being flesh and bones.

"Honey?! No, why did you make a deal?" She asked, standing above me as i struggled to stand back up.

"Don't worry mom. I-I know what I'm doing. Please, just believe in me more than I do. Someone has to." I tried hugging her but it was like when i had tried to comfort Mathias. I backed away and turned around, tears filling my eyes. Tino looked around at all of us and tried to move but was glued to the spot. His eyes were glossy, and he struggled to breath. He had just been sobbing. He twisted and squirmed but his movements were in vain.

"What's the big idea?! Why am I here!" Tino screamed, as he looked around his body bobbing up and down with a mixture of anger and despair. I walked over and patted him on the head. This might not have calmed him down all the way, but he stopped moving and looked up at me.

"Tino, please. Berwald used you. And Mathias wrongly directed his anger at you. He was hurt. He didn't see you were hurt too." I paused to let him process. He cried aloud and punched at my chest, but his hits were like a small child's. He rested his head against my chest, and sobbed.

"I know..." Tino responded through his soft sobs.

"Berwald thought it would be easier to cheat. Thought it would spare Mathias's feelings. He really does love you. But he failed in the execution for sure. You don't have to forgive them. But don't run away, and don't harbor any hatred for them. Keeping that inside you makes you lonely and hurting only yourself at that point. I should know." I murmured. My eyes grew to sting and I wiped at my face.

"Lukas!?" I heard my brother shout. I could see his tears out of the corner of my eyes. Tino gave a small nod, calming down and sniffling.

"Mathias. Get what you want to say out before the moment slips away forever." I said, my breath shaky.

"Lukas?!" My brothers cries grew more insistent. "What the hell is going on?" Tino fell to the ground and Mathias ran to him. I ran to my brother, and gave him the biggest bear hug possible.

"You grew up so well... I wish I could have been there, no. I wish I could be here now, at least. But I'm not sure its possible. Live for yourself, no matter what happens right now." Though I wanted to hug and love on him more, he couldn't have more pain because of me. Because my hugs would give him faith that I could stay. I pulled away from him and we went over to the other two. "Mathias, just say it." I said.

"Tino. I'm so sorry. I was so blinded by my own rage, and jealousy, and pain that I didn't see how you were feeling. I overreacted. That was _so_ wrong of me and I don't want to lose you as a friend! We've been through so much together. I love you so much. You're like a brother to me. I-" Mathias struggled to find the words he so desperately wanted to say. He pulled Tino into a hug that Emil joined into as well.

"Mathias. Stop, please. I don't know what's going on right now entirely, but I know you're right. And... I'm sorry too. I didn't want to go, not really. But I knew my parents wouldn't understand and... I'm so heartbroken." Tino sobbed into Mathias's shoulder for a while. When he pulled away, he wiped at his eyes and chuckled. "I couldn't talk to you after you said you never wanted to see me again. I guess I should've realized what was going on. I think-I think I told myself it was nothing; the odd feelings I had. He said he didn't want to hurt you, after the fight. And I loved him so much. Now I don't know how to feel." Mathias nodded and hugged Tino again, patting his back. I had fixed their relationship as much as I could. The rest was in their hands. Now it was time to fix everything else.

Delphine reappeared out of thin air, and she still had that relentless cruel smile to greet me with.

"Are you done dear?" She said, her tone laced with seduction. My nose crumpled in repulsion. I had heard from her long enough.

"A deal is a deal. One moment more." I said. she sighed in a bored way and left again. Emil walked over to me, and mom's spirit came over to us.

"Don't go again, please. Lukas, mom. Don't leave me." He whined, his eyes glossy.

"I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I know I'm not giving up without a fight. Get out of here okay? Please, don't get involved. That's how we end up like this in this family." I whispered. He nodded and squeezed my hand, sobbing and backing away.

"Oh, my boys." My mother said, sadness enveloping her words. I gave a sad smile. I wasn't letting her go. Footsteps came from behind me and I turned to find Mathias. Tino and Emil were leaving the fairground. I didn't have much time.

"Mathias, I don't know what's gonna happen to me. I don't want to give up, but... just take care of him and yourself. I wish I could be here and have a chance to be your friend. You already have so many great ones to be there for you. Don't forget about me, okay? Maybe in a different world..." Mathias hugged me and i could see just how much his body was trembling.

"I won't leave you like this. It's not fair. You've helped me so much. Without you, I wouldn't even have these great friends anymore! You've done so much for me. So much..." he muttered, repeating himself like a broken record. His words warmed by beating heart. It was the best motivation. I wanted to feel that sensation again.

"You have to. But we might get that chance. For now you must go." I whispered into his shoulder. He pulled away, and turned. He began walking away. He turned back once, waved, and then kept going. It hurt to see such sadness all around me. It had to stop.

I watched them go and Delphine reappeared in front of me blocking my view.

"Are you ready now?" She questioned me, holding out her hand. I smiled, and grasped the weapon in my back pocket.

"I just want to ask one question." She sighed and waved her wrist.

"Make it snappy, child." She sneered.

"Do you know what hell is like?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Now was my chance. I uttered a small spell under my breath. A huge wind was summoned towards her, knocking her to the ground. I uttered another spell, summoning vines from the old attractions to wrap her up and tie her to the ground. I rushed to her and cut the necklace she wore from her neck. I ran towards a strength attraction, grabbing the hammer and smashing the necklace open.

I had noticed it was her source of power a long time ago. Human sorceresses are easy to deal with, hubris and all. when your magic isn't hereditary its easy to be overpowered, and even extinguished from the mortal plane.

I grabbed the crystal that was once locked inside her necklace. She had caught up with me now, and pointed at me.

"Stop! You can't do this, I'll curse you!" Her once charming wiles had faded. She was now just an old, ugly hag. I had already stolen her youth and power. Now I just had to make sure she couldn't ever reclaim it.

"Try me bitch." I said, beginning the spell to destroy the crystal. I needed time, and I was waiting for my clock.

"No!" She began to chant her curse, but there was a tricky thing about curses, much like normal spells. Entire focus was needed from the spellcaster. It couldn't be interrupted by anything, or it would backfire. I learned that from my mother's tome. I learned from the best. The last part of my plan had yet to come through, but i knew it would.

"No more curses from you!" My mother's voice screamed, the familiar whooshing sound that was different from the plain ol' air.

"Urgh!" Delphine twitched, as my mother pushed into her, interrupting her curse with a jolt to her body. "You ghost bitch, I'll make sure you never see this world again!" My mom screamed to me as she attempted to avoid Delphine's fleeting magic spells.

"Keep going honey! I believe in you." The crystal lifted over my head, as I finished the spell. It burst into little pieces, that dissolved as they hit the ground. I stood, nauseous but not done yet. Delphine hit the ground with a crack, and she struggled to breath. For sure she had cracked some bones and maybe even puncture her lungs. Even for her, this was horrible. I refused the urge to let her suffer.

"You... brat." She managed to say before her shaking hands grasped at her chest.

"It's over Delphine. You demanded power that wasn't yours to have. Killed a mother. A father indirectly. A child. Made another an orphan. You only managed to do one good thing, and that wasn't your will. I should leave you here to live your last few moments in writhing, painful agony. But there is no more need for pain. I've got what I deserved. Now, I will release you from your own suffering." I raised my hands and uttered a spell to release her spirit from her body. I watched it disappear and fade away to another place. Her body was still lying there in front of me. I couldn't just leave her body there she needed a proper burial. I used my magic to send her body into the ground. I would deal with it at night time. I was human again and I couldn't just drag a body somewhere in broad daylight.

I looked around for my mother, finding nothing obvious in her wake. Perhaps she had finally left and moved on. I sat down on the carousel I had considered my home for so many years, and I cried. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It felt nice after all I had held in from the many struggles I dealt with. I stood up and wiped at my face. The tears were a melting pot of sadness, relief and joy. I was alive and I had the chance to finally live. And I'd be insane not to seize it.

A/N: Hello, Cupcakes! It's been forever since I've written any fanfiction and I really began to miss it. So, I'm finally back! I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one. You know how you draw a picture, then you hate it. Then you change it and you like it better but it still isn't great? Yeah that's kind of what I'm feeling about this fic. I like it, but not as much as some of my other ones. I'm thinking one or two chapters are left to be done. Hopefully that brings it all together and makes me feel better about it. This chapter had so much emotion, R.I.P Lukas's mom, and I'm really not sure I wrote it well, which is probably the reason why I'm unsure about it. So let me know how you thought I did on that, and anything else you wanna say is much appreciated. Thanks so much, my lovely readers. ~Hetaliancupcake


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

I made my way sluggishly down the street I used to run down as a child. It was nice to feel my feet on solid ground again. Of course, I would appreciate a more energetic state. I felt tired. Not exactly as I had pictured my return to solidarity. My walking slowed as I walked up the porch steps and stopped outside the door to our Grandfather's house, where Emil had stayed after our parents passed. Okay, so he hadn't been entirely orphaned, but Delphine's actions had still been horrible. I was so nervous, physically shaking. Would he think I was real? How would he feel after all this?

I knocked gently on the door, and took a deep breath, realizing I had forgotten to breathe for a moment. Voices argued gently back and forth and a "Coming" called back from inside as footsteps approached. Mathias' face greeted him and a tired smile painted his face.

"Well, are you just gonna stand there?" Mathias asked in a hushed tone. I shook my head, and spoke up.

"I'm coming in, thank you." I said, my tone a little sassy. He moved and let me in.

"Who is there?" Emil's frightened voice came from the other room.

"I think you should come here, Emil." Mathias said. Shuffling noises came from the other room, and Emil's face slowly came into view as he leaned from the kitchen doorway. His eyes widened as he looked at me, speechless.

"Lukas... Are you- Are you back, I mean- For real this time?" I smiled, as warm tears ran down my cheeks. I nodded, unable to speak, after wanting nothing more than to be real and talk to them so much. It was kind of ironic.

He rushed over to me, wrapping his arms around me and telling me how much he missed me. I patted his head and wiped his face when he pulled away.

"Tears aren't befitting of you, brother. It's alright now okay? You can ask me anything you want. But I suggest you wait, or at least, don't ask too much at once. It will be a lot to take in." I said, getting right to the point, wishing so much to tell him everything. He glanced to Mathias and then back to me.

"I just want to know what you mean by its over- Is that wizard bitch gone now? Will you be this way forever?" He started asking more but I stopped him

"Yes, Delphine is gone now. We will be fine, I'm back, I promise. Don't you worry about that. I'll be around to help out around here, and protect you." I smiled, almost in a daze with thoughts of the future.

"Ah okay... So uh- Is mom...?" He trailed off in his question, but I could guess what he wanted to ask.

"She's gone. I couldn't get her back... But she helped me come back. So I can't be mad at her. She put me ahead of her, and that's what mothers do." Emil nodded slowly.

"So then... What happened all those years ago? Dad said Mom had gotten you both killed. He drank and- And he drank himself to death. I want the whole story, even if you have to explain it all night." Mathias cleared his throat.

"First, I think you two need to come up with something to tell your grandfather." Emil snorted.

"He's hardly home. Besides, I don't think he'd be mad. He might think the lord gave him back or something though, and boy would he be wrong." Emil chuckled, and I chuckled along.

"Gramps always did believe in miracles. Yeah, I don't think it'll be too big a deal. We can talk about this stuff now okay, but let's go sit in the kitchen, settle in. You're gonna want to be seated for this." I explained.

We spent the entire night talking. I explained everything in as best detail I could, answering his many questions to the best of my ability. It was almost midnight before I was only to middle school. I left out some details about stalking them, as I had basically done. I would spend the rest of the week telling him what I could, as gramps got me enrolled in school. He had totally thought it was a miracle.

I made new friends with several other students, especially ones who were pretty interested in me being dead for so long. A lot of people stayed away, but cool and weird people on a magical wavelength found me interesting. We made friends right away.

I hung out with Mathias and Emil, and Tino, though he was still pretty shook up emotionally for a while. Berwald had even made up with all of them, and he became a new friend as well. They gave him a line, saying that their trust would need to be earned back, but they wouldn't give up on him. He did things to make it up to them everyday, and after a while they were all pretty content with life.

Except me.

I was ecstatic. Life felt pretty amazing, and I couldn't imagine why anyone would take it for granted. Why anyone would choose to waste any moment with something stupid, or harmful, when it should be spent making friends, and memories to take with you. I see so much more clearly now, than I did when I was younger, or even when I was gone. I have a new view of the world.

I think I'm gonna like riding on the carousel instead of watching it when the fairgrounds gets rebuilt soon. It will always hold a place in my heart. I'll spin in remembrance and for the future. for those memories I'll want to take with me on my journey. And for the life I've been granted to have by my mother.

I'm ready.

To take chances.

To tell Mathias I liked him.

To tell off those bullies who had gotten to Emil some months ago.

To take those memories with me for the future.

To finally live while I had the chance. So goodbye, whoever is reading this letter. I'm off to live.

A/N: Hiya cupcakes! Sorry it took so long to get around to the ending for this. I got burnt out and honestly got interested in some other things. I'm back for a while, and will try to work on some of the other in progress works I had going on. Thanks for reading, and as always Follow me for notifs on when I post new stories. Thanks to all those that favorited, and read. I'll see you all in the next thing I write. 3/p


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